Born in the Newborn Fog

As a first-time expecting mom, I was so excited to breastfeed and experience the “magical bonding time” with my new baby that everyone talked about. I had picked out my new breastfeeding pillow, taken the courses, and had my pump cleaned and ready to go. But what I didn't expect was the wave of struggles and emotional olympics that I would be hit with.

In all of the talk of this “great breastfeeding experience,” no one talked about the multitude of struggles that I may encounter and how hard breastfeeding really was, both physically and emotionally. My first month of breastfeeding was filled with tears, uncomfortable positioning, physical wrist, arm and back pain, and a baby who seemed to happily spit up everything he ate into a burp cloth.

I was so uncomfortable and defeated, and felt like I was failing at motherhood.

I found myself counting down the minutes until my son would be done breastfeeding, questioning in my head how long I could really keep doing this.

The “great experience” that everyone had talked about felt more like a nightmare, and my dreams of this special bonding time seemed like they were going to be cut short. On top of it all, my son refused every bottle, so I truly was his only option.

I searched endlessly for products that would better support me and my son, but nothing checked the boxes of what I was looking for. For me, ending our journey early simply because I couldn't find the support we needed wasn't something I was willing to accept.